My Speech.



I've been looking for something to inspire me lately, something to keep me studying.

I have memorized my stupid Business Studies book two times already for the past 2 exams.

Twice.

And I've been listening to music that could possibly inspire me, going to concerts, doing things so that I would want to feel that urge to succeed and get on with my studying.

Reading inspirational quotes and songs, which includes Justin Bieber's 'Never Say Never'. Justin Bieber's words that have inspired so many girls, yet those words mean nothing to me.

But I think after watching this movie, I have found it.

It's not any particular words in the movie that touched me, I don't feel like the urge to succeed and study, but something completely different.

I feel like this is the right thing to do, to finish my coursework, to study for my exams.

It's not because I want to achieve top scores so that I'll be able to get into a good university, or to satisfy my parents, or to prove myself.

I know it's a late start, but it's never too late if I put my 110% effort into it.

It's going to be tiring, and I know at times I'll lose my concentration, and I'll be frustrated.

Frustrated at all the hours I have to spend studying.

But you know what, I don't mind a bit of it.

I finally feel alive again you know? It's an amazing feeling. :)

I hope you did well on your exams!

Forget the 'if's' and 'buts', you should be proud of yourself because you did great, and I know this because you didn't give up.

Anyways I'm off to do my coursework, I'll see you in a month or so!

'You're no beautiful queen, you're just beautiful you.' :)

Best Wishes

Lollapalooza ♥

Never again, NEVER AGAIN!

The scholarship letter and the 6th form acceptance letter came in today.
I got into 6th form, but usually everyone does unless you did REALLY badly, like literally failing everything.
But I didn't get the scholarship.
I guess I knew from the start that I probably wasn't going to get it, because I got a D for my fucking Malay.
Why the fuck is Malay even fucking compulsary for a fucking malaysian who only goes to Malaysia for 4 days a year and only at the outskirts of it.
I will never ever forget how this fucking country brought me down. Never.

I shall complain about how fucked up this country is.
But first, I have to say that this is my second rejection letter from my school.
The first was for applying for prefect.

Everyone's sending each other texts, and writing on each others FB walls asking about the scholarship letter.
And I feel like such a failure.
I know that in the future I will be recieving more letters like this, and instead of writing words of encouragement, they will have no mercy. job applications, uni applications, god I fucking hate letters.
I was slacking so much before, but thank god this stupid letter came, because I am determined to never ever fucking get a letter like this ever again.

I was going to complain about the stupid country, but then I thought about how it's illegal to say things about Malaysia because you can get sent to jail.
I'll tell you in private someday.

Anyways Ima get back to my studying, gonna show them who they're fucking rejecting.
IM SO FRUSTRATED! and disappointed in myself.
But there's no time to cry for my sorry ass.
!@$!$@##^#&$@#@

fucking rejection letters.
I'm out.

Love from

Lollapalooza♥

VICTIM OF SEXIST FATHER.

I have to fucking say something, if I don't I'll blow up.

I fucking hate my dad.
You know why? He's the most sexist, disgusting, atrocious, repugnant, rotten, godawful, perverted, inconsiderate, monstrous hypocrite of a father I have ever met in my life.
I hate him and I can't stand it anymore.
He thinks just because he makes the money to support us, we have to clean his shit (literally clean his shit that he splatters all over the fucking toilet bowl), we have to bow down to him, we have to listen to him, and we should never defy him.

He is single minded, the things he say must always be right, he will not tolerate anything we say because he is the boss he is the BIG GUN, he is the chief, he is the controller, he is the person who keeps our asses warm. You better fucking kneel down or he'll stick a gun up your ass and pull the trigger. If you prove him wrong, he will not like it, he will scream at you and threaten you to get out of his fucking face.

He is a fucking hyopcrite.
You'll see him screaming at you for leaving trash around the house, then the next minute you see him dropping shit on the floor, looking at it for a few seconds, then walking off, knowing my mom will clean his shit up.

He is fucking disgusting.
He fucking makes that sick laugh and puts his hands in my sisters pants to touch her ass. He lies on the fuckin couch leaving no space for anyone, scratches his balls and watches fucking football.
I'm sorry but is that your fucking team? Are you getting any money out of it? Do you know those players personally? Are you fucking attracted to the ball? Does it improve your life in any sort of way?
Oh and don't stand infront of the TV, he'll use his feet to kick you to the side. of course without warning.

He is so fucking sexist, women cannot drive, they shouldn't be boss, they should stay at home, they should clean up the things that the men leave, basically all the fucking women should just stand behind a man and eat the men's shit as they go along. Yeah, suck it clean from the floor. 'Don't come complaining to me bitch, you're supposed to do it, I gave you this life is lil bitch, yeah kiss my ass'

I cannot fucking wait to earn my own money, fucking get my mom to get a divorce, buy her a fucking big house and take her on holidays and buy her a decent fucking big 50K diamond ring.

Then what am I going to do with my dad?
I will dream of burying him alive, torture him first.
But no, I'm going to fucking hire an accountant or some shit, let him calculate all the money that he has provided us, give it all back to him every month (if i gave it bak to him all at once he'll be fucking rich and he wont need us), then fucking end our relationship, change my fucking last name, and make his life hell.

Ah, I feel better now.



Love

Lollapalooza,

You can come over and, we can have déjà vu ♥

I watched Source Code yesterday, oh dear lord, Jake Gyllenhaal is hot.

Anyways, I realized something the other day.
You know, there's a HUGE difference between being attracted to someone, and actually liking someone.
The thing is, whenever we go out to meet guys, we're just all attracted to each other, so that's why its unlikely anything's going to work out.
Just yesterday I was talking to this guy...we've had our ups and downs, we'd be good buds for a while, then we'd totally hate each other or just not talk to each other. I realized that I liked him, and I know for sure I actually did like him, cz I've never fantasized about him, or imagined myself making out with him and shit. I imagine me hanging out with him and having a blast, kinda like A wang.

Hahaha and I've also noticed that all our asian friends who have left and went overseas to like america, canada, and shit, they'd still hang out with the asian crowd. No joke. I don't ever want to do that. And at first I felt really bad cz i thought i ws just being racist. But to be honest, the caucs are just more relaxed and chilled and mature.

I've always believed that if I don't get a good grade for my exams, I wouldn't get into a good university, thus I will fail in life. Then the other day this cauc friend of mine told me that that's usually what all asians think, and I was just like 'yeah...wow, that's actually quite true, because I do think like that. I grew up thinking that bad grades mean I'm never going to get anywhere.' And then we had a long talk about it.
I'm not trying to say that we should all just stop bothering with our grades, I'm just saying that we've never thought about taking other paths. There's only like one path: primary, high school, uni, job, family. If we fall off that path then we've failed.

And you know how we always learn about all these facts in books about science and math and all the other subjects, but when have we ever actually used it and applied it to real life? I think truly learning something is when we can actually get hands on on the things that we've learnt.
I was watching this movie the other day and it was like this guy's first day at uni, it was an engineering school. The uni had this ritual thing for newbies and he refused to follow it and locked himself in a room to get away from the people who led the shit. He managed to use the things that he saw in the tiny room and created this electricity conducting object and completely owned the dude who was banging at the door trying to get him out. That's true intelligence man, grades are just things to prove that you could be smart.

I guess I'm also trying to say that you shouldn't put yourself under too much pressure. No, put yourself under pressure but don't feel the pressure, you get what I mean..? hahahaha. If you ace your exams, that's wonderful, but if you don't, it's ok, it's not the end of the world, because you are actually a smart, amazing person and I really doubt that you will have any problem succeeding in the future.
Anyways, that's it for today. :)
Check out this dude here:

                                                                                                                                                Love from

Lollapalooza ♥