A little confession.

I cringe whenever I look back and think about the number of times I've said 'I really like him.'
Or 'this time it's different.'
And the number of times I've thought 'Wtf was i thinking?' after looking back.
Even with that in mind, I can't stop myself from saying this.

I really like him.

This time it's different.

Wtf am i thinking?

I'm thinking about the smile that he gives me when he sees me, the way he rubs my hands while we're holding hands, the way my head lies perfectly on his chest when he hugs me, the way he says 'but i really like you' when i feel like there's no hope left.

I'm thinking how he's not the typical boyfriend who buys you flowers, treats you like a princess, takes you out to movies and dinners, and gives you a lovely goodbye kiss at the end of the date. Instead he stays away from me, he's cocky, he always makes me angry at the end of the date, he doesn't always reply to my texts or appreciate the meaningful things i say that make myself completely vulnerable, he doesnt share anything with me, he's not gentle with me, he does not feel completely comfortable with me, he doesn't really like to reveal his feelings.

Then I'm thinking how much more it means to me when he decides to send me a text to say hey, or tells me that I look beautiful, or gives me a quick kiss after school, or hangs around after school to wait for me, or tells me things that he's scared of.

So yes, I really like him.